confident humility

As an American, or even as a Westerner – India is the only place that gives you both confidence and humility all at the same time.

Indians can come off as rude sometimes because they are very up-front in their way of life. The words ‘sorry’ and ‘please’ are not used in Indian languages (they exist but the use of them is rare. I asked Mum Mum once how to say ‘please’ and she told me to say “Sheila, now!” That is how to ask for things – yell at the maid.) The other day at service, one of my students told me that I looked better at the beginning of the trip and that I have many bags under my eyes. One of my first weeks of service, I was told three times in one day that short hair makes me look like a boy. It is not rude (and hopefully not too accurate) – it is just that Indians are direct and blunt. My flaws are constantly being discussed in detail, from my blemishes to my inability to pay attention to my supposed inability to speak English (because of my accent, the Indians that speak English are convinced that I do not know how to speak English because they can’t understand me. I am constantly corrected on the pronunciation of my native language. So. Irritating.)

However, how rude it may seem in my mind, they are not offended by the straightforward interactions. Because it is not offensive, just honest. As I said, I am humbled because I am constantly humiliated and subservient to another way of life. But, I am taught confidence in myself, because I am forced into awkward situations with nothing but my own creativity and smile to get me through.

Walking into a classroom of twenty giggling Indians, running around screaming in Bangla, is initially intimidating and annoying. But after living here, and undergoing a process of growth and understanding – I am both humbled and reassured in myself. And wow, I’m only halfway through this adventure…