my queer career at Pace

That's me, in my Performing Identities Course - a cross-dressing acting class. I was Clive from Cloud Nine. This has been the most rewarding class I've ever taken. Dissecting gender, sexuality, race has been enlightening to all forms of social construction. I've felt myself become more understanding of people, seeing how easily we pick up characteristics and mannerisms and how painfully inescapable they can be. I've been more forgiving of myself for not being able to loose my own superficial traits. Though this is not to say I'm now hopeless of change.

We were once arguing in class about the right approach to cat-calling on the street (sound familiar?) - whether to respond or ignore. Good arguments were given on both sides, and we couldn't decide what was wrong or right. Sid made a great point that I will continue to follow: "Not sorting it all out is okay - it prevents us from being put into boxes."

The improv assignments, like 'Please/No', that Lisa gave to us were so revealing. One student could only say 'please,' the other 'no.' Watching two people act their roles following their line was revealing as to how someone could 'act' stronger or weaker, 'act' a leader or follower. Backing up, shoulders back, speaking slow and deep were all signs that we learned to associate with weakness or strength. The plays we had to read (As You Like It, Twelfth Night, Cloud Nine, M. Butterfly) which we analyzed with queer theory has changed the way I look at literature. And Sid said it again: "Good art makes you think one thing when your brushing your teeth and another when you are on the subway."

And this was my final day of undergraduate classes at Pace University. As I step out of NYC and face Dhaka, I know that at least I can pass for man and not get harassed...

Joking. Sort of. I remember senior year of high school getting sentimental, but I feel less attached to this place (granted I've spent a quarter of it abroad and a third dreaming about going abroad). But I will miss NYC and Pace. But it's not up to me to be sad about it -- graduation is happening whether I want it to or not. So I will enjoy it, take pride in my efforts and accomplishments and be excited for new beginnings. I have been given confidence, resourcefulness, and a relentless critical mind to head into my world that will not always be structured around a classroom.

And I can say that I ended my career in a class where I was dressed as a patriarchal man, screaming at our improv car rides and learning queer theory. With this end, I have high hopes for the next steps...